For Jenny

Jenna has a special namesake, she was named after my best friend, Jennifer Ann, "Jenny". Jenny is Jenna's angel. Ten years ago this Halloween my world changed forever. My best friend, Jenny, died that evening at 5:01 pm going to a haunted house with some friends. I was living away from home and my mom, sister and brother-in-law drove 3 hours so they could tell me in person and be there to comfort me. I can only imagine the long drive that that was for them. I still remember it all too clearly. But, I am not going to dwell on that - she lived a wonderful life and changed my life forever and that it what I talk about.

I met Jenny my sophomore year in high school - we instantly clicked. We complimented each other very well. She once compared me to a mama chicken where I kept her in line, I think we kept each other in line. Jenny loved to dance and I loved to see her express herself in such a beautiful form. If you could see how my spirit dances, it would dance like she did. She was born in Germany and lived most of her life in Louisiana but moved to Utah just a couple years before I met her. People used to ask me to make her mad because that was when her Southern accent came out and for all of us that never left Utah it was a thrill and of course I obliged. We had a monthly fight just to blow off steam and would call each other the dumbest names we could think of like, "broken locker" and "empty carton of milk". I think that is what kept our friendship strong. I don't remember many fights, but people would ask if we were in one if we weren't together. We were inseparable. I knew that the drive to her house was 3.6 miles each way. I knew that if I took something out of her closet that she would say it looked good on me.

We spent Spring Break together and didn't now what to do, so we took our version of a road trip to Crystal Springs, about 40 minutes North of where we lived. We felt that that was the coolest thing ever. One New Years Eve we ended up singing to Belinda Carlisle's Greatest Hits because we couldn't decide which dance to go to.

I know Jenny is still with me - she helps me with so much. I know she is with Jenna - Jenna knows more about her than what I've told her and she loves to dance, just like Jenny. I am trying not to mourn this month, but it is so hard. It has taken years for me to become close to a friend again, for fear of that loss. Happy dreams don't come this time of year, I wish they would, but I will settle for no dreams over nightmares that I have had.

So Jenny, I will listen to our songs and write down my thoughts and await the day when we can meet again. I will greet you with open arms and know you will be there. We will smile and know that we are right back from where we left off. I miss you my dear friend and pray that are preparing my child to find my family. Tell him or her that I'll be a good mom and that I'm waiting as patiently as I can, but you know I'm not a patient person, so if you could, please send them soon.