Thoughts for Thursday

I've been thinking the last week - who am I? What do I stand for? Well, I've come to some conclusions and I'll be changing my life because of it.

I've been reminded that everything you say and do on the internet can be seen by all. I cannot remember ever doing anything bad on the world wide web - as I'm not that type of person, but I wonder...am I guilty by association? I wonder this because my family is trying to adopt a baby. Any tech-savy birthmom could find me on the web and what if she just sees where I claim to be my internet home? What if she doesn't go inside and see what I participate in? What if she just sees the whole and not the one (namely me). It would look horrible and I could lose a child over it. I'm not saying I'm giving a hair flip or deleting any accounts, I'm just saying - I don't want to lose something so important to me over people who I will most likely never meet (save a few). I want a prospective birth mom to see me for me, not by who I associate with - but in the real world it doesn't work that way and I'm afraid it will not work on the internet as well.

So, this is where I stand - I do not like dirty jokes (though unfortunately I have laughed at some), I do not swear, I do not drink or smoke or use drugs (other than prescription as prescribed). I like to say I wear my halo well and hope that I have not marred it in any way because when I die - I don't want to have to be reminded of some stupid stuff I pulled on the internet or in life. It's just not worth it.

I love my friends and my family and they truly know who I am and what I stand for. I'm tired of being told to turn off what I don't want to see or hear. Or don't look - I don't turn to HBO and wonder how come what I'm viewing isn't up to my standards, but I know I can turn to PBS and trust that I will be ok. I need to chose for myself and this is the choice I've made.